I finally dropped.

I am so thankful that the Lord knows just how to get my attention. In a whirlwind week were I went to bed at midnight every night (starting the week before), and feel asleep not only in class but at my desk at work I finally dropped a class. I can hear the angels in heaven rejoicing as I type!! :) The only way this will affect me academically is that I may graduate in the summer rather than the spring... But my sanity and the ability to breathe once in a while is definitely worth it!!!

I was even able to go to bed Wednesday night at 9pm(With all homework finished mind you)! And last night I was finally able to attend the class that my Associate Manager teaches here at the Capstone. I have been wanting to see how he taught and he wanted my opinion as an educator on his first teaching experience. And he is doing a great job! He teaches a management class, and I have to say, our business world is doomed!! If this is how all business students are.. and most of these graduate in December, no wonder people vote in sorry leaders and businesses everywhere are corrupt and failing!

This weekend I am finally able to go home for the first time in a while. I am excited to see Courtney and my family. Also, in other news, I lost a punctal plug this week... If you don't know what it is you can definitely google it! :) I have to have them in order to wear contacts. I lost the plug from my left eye Sunday night, so needless to say I have been wearing my glasses all week... Thanks to Beverly having gone to med school up here I have gotten a recommendation from a Dr. friend of hers and I am going this afternoon to have my plug replaced, then I am homeward bound! I have had a great week, in the weirdest of ways, but God is showing me His blessings, mercy and grace! I can't wait to have a wonderful weekend and then come back to the greatest job in the WORLD! Also, I will definitely be posting some pictures soon! I have been saving pictures of things going on around my world, and since most of the time I now blog at work I haven't been able to upload them. But I have a feeling they will be able to be put up soon!!

Calm

I have moved some of my study nights to Starbucks rather than the library.. It is just a happier place and if you don't know I LOVE starbucks! So, I have decided to experiment and try some new things. Caffeine does not affect me... whatsoever. And I know this is a bad thing! I drink coffee at work and at home. I also drink soft drinks and other caffinated beverages... and lets just say, water and I are not really good friends. So, I was tempted to try hot tea. I have never had hot tea before, and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised.

Calm tea was the first hot tea I ever had, and I have to say it is great! It is called 'calm' tea because it has no caffeine and is made of herbs. It is a wonderful tea and I even bought a tin so that I could make hot tea to drink at work. Now, I like things sweet, so I do add a little sugar to my tea. And I think it is fun brewing my own little cup of tea at my desk. So, in a sense, it is calming.. lol Or at least God is using the name to remind me to have moments of calm in this crazy and hectic life I lead. All is well in life, and through endurance and perserverance I will make it to December. And I will be proud to know what I have accomplished.

So, my recommendation for each of you is to go out on a limb and try something different. Not necessarily a hot tea, but just something. And 'be still' with God in the midst of our hectic lives.

Psalm 46:10

"Be still, and know that I am God..."

In loving memory of Tim

Tim was a dear friend always smiling and greating others. I am blessed to have known him during his lifetime. Tim died tragically Saturday in an accidental shooting.... He was cleaning his gun. Please pray for his family and friends as we all grieve during this time. You can also read a heartwarming story about Tim here.

Vicariously

This is a new word I have come to enjoy. HAHA! I know, I know... I am a LOSER. Since my last blog full of hurt I have decided to write a few things that make me unexplainably happy.

1. Mary-Anne and I chatting on google chat while we are both at work. What a wonderful way to catch up and stay in touch with a friend. 
2. Mary Allison's engagement and wedding. I tell many people, I live my life vicariously through Mary Allison. Words cannot express the joy that I feel when we talk of wedding plans and things going on in her life. I know this seems kind of contradictory, but I honestly think of nothing buy joy when thinking of Mary Allison and Brandon's engagement. I mean, what a way to stay connected after college... have your friend MARRY each other!! Less places to visit! HAHA
3. Elliot... from the TV show Leverage. I work with a guy who looks very similar. It is hilarious.... only because sometimes I like to imagine that I work with a movie star. J/K!
4. My job.. I am so blessed! I left everything back home only to gain two GREAT roommates, a great trust in God, and 80 wonderful men to work with. I couldn't ask for a better job!
5. 5k. I ran a 5k in 38 minutes with one of my assistant managers Friday. We are training for the 'Crimson Couch to 5k' for all staff and faculty of the University of Alabama. 5k number one will lead to a second. I now 'jog' (I guess it's a little slow for running) 4 miles at least one day a week. Yes, I know a 5k is only 3.1 miles... but I love it and hope to soon build up to more with a better time. 
6. My church. The college ministry and students have blessed me beyond compare. Their love and kindness is unsurpassed! And, I am going to be doing another 5k with some of them in April! 
7. My family. They are crazy, but I love them. :) 
8. My friends. Without them, I don't know where I would be in this time... Charity, Courtney, Lisa, Mary-Anne, Mary Allison, and my Tuscaloosa friend Anne Kimball. 

Without Christ I wouldn't be able to count my blessings.. but so many times I need to be reminded of His truths. The devil tries to keep up in the pit. No matter what God's grace is enough... His mercy is there. 

Because I can't really pour it out on anyone...

A while back a good friend and now mentor of mine posted a few things that were bugging her in her blog. Lately through the stress and anxiety that I have been feeling sometimes I just want to shout hurtful words out at some people... and I have noticed that coming into my thoughts and sometimes into my rants during my otherwise happy blog posts. So I believe for the sake of my sanity and the joy of my heart I must get these things out. They are no way directed anywhere in particular, just meaningless rantings of things that the devil lets get to me. I don't mind at all if you discontinue reading this post here.

Some things that currently bug me...

• I can't stand when someone tells me how busy they are. SERIOUSLY?? Wow. Now, I have been told by God that different people can handle different things and I realize this and completely agree. But when people want others to modify their lives to accommodate their busy lives without even thinking of the other person I could just SCREAM. 
• People getting engaged. Many people don't know the whole story of my life here lately, and honestly it is none of anyone's business. I feel that it is somewhat traumatic and I am saddened that something I believed would last didn't. It just really hurts when people laugh in your face because you are upset. I would like to let everyone know that this isn't just some teenage break-up devastation, so thank you for acknowledging that I have feelings.
• On that note, don't tell me that I am young. 1 Timothy 4:12 is a verse I highly believe in. 'Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." Yeah, I am 22 years old, a lot of people tell me that I have so much time, time to do this, that and other things.. but I believe that not everything is based on age, but should be based on maturity.  Maturity comes from experience and education... so... yeah. I know plenty of 22 year old's who act like absolute children, and a couple 18 year old's who are wiser than many adults. So get over the age, yeah, we all have time...
  
• Don't try to be my friend just to get the latest gossip out of my life. If I am not telling you what is going on with me then you obviously don't need to know. So stop trying to be my friend and ask random questions to pry information out of me. I will just give you the short of it and walk away. My true friends know what is going on, and are there for me no matter what. No just when my life is juicy enough for them.
• 'Come see me!' Is something I hear a lot. Well get this.. I drive 3 and a half hours to see my family and friends and they can't drive 20 minutes to see me while I am at my parents house or in Troy????? Are you kidding? Get your selfish rear off the couch if you want to see me. I only get two days at home a month as it is. And, don't promise you will come visit when in fact you won't. Someone told me they were coming to Tuscaloosa and I almost had a panic attack I was so excited... (yeah, I'm a loser, I know).. But then... me seeing them didn't work out, and that hurt. Now I know exactly what Mary-Anne feels like.. everyone always wants to go to DC... but who does? I am thankful to say that I have. 
• People who think they can relate but can't. Get over yourself. Read Matthew 7:3-5. Before you decide to council me on my life, make sure that you have got it together before you try to tell me how everything you had done is right and what I am doing is wrong, plus I am young.. etc. Granted, I have many friends, including Lisa, who have been through similar loss types but not the exact situation... that I appreciate greatly. A different perspective, without judgement. 
• Finally, judgement. Wow, everyone asks so they can just tear you down. Well get over yourself... everyone goes through different things and can handle different things, so before you cast your judgement on those suffering or seemingly so, or not so in your world, take a walk in their shoes... and then you will see. 

Now, I am done with that. I have confessed all my grumblings to the Lord and He has lifted my spirit and cleansed my soul. I love and pray for all of you. And I want to especially thank those who have been with me during this time in my life. I am truly blessed and truly love my life here in Tuscaloosa. God is doing a work, and I am excited to be a part of it. 

I'm tired... worn and weary.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Every morning this week, it has been a little bit harder to get out of bed. I stayed in town last weekend to study for yet another test. I am worn, I am weary. And the verse above and a few other daily reminders are what is pushing me through, even today.

 

5am comes early... especially when you stay up until midnight studying or doing homework. I know without a doubt that God won't give you more than can handle... but this week, God has trusted me a little more than I would like.

 

Graduate school, I told myself, would be a time to work hard, make perfect grades and not worry about a thing except school. Then my real world experience hit me. I am so excited to say that part of me is an adult.. I still believe that there are parts of me that still are, and potentially always will be, a child. However, my full time job is a blessing beyond compare. I pay my bills, have my own insurance, soon to have my own phone plan, and I am thinking of getting a house.

 

Most people would run scared at the thought of this; but, financial independence is something I have strived for since day one after moving out of my parents house. In the childish, self-seeking world we live in, there are a lot of spoiled brats who whine about what they don't have or the latest trends... I must boast that this week alone I have received three compliments on my outfits and wardrobe pieces; and when asked where I got the item of clothing I had to reply, 'I'm sorry, I don't remember; I've had these since high school.' HOORAY! Haha!

 

Counting my blessings has truly helped me out, especially in tough weeks like this. I am so thankful for what God has given me. Each night when I go to sleep and when I wake up in the mornings I try to remember what a recent devotional said:

 

God gives us the strength to make it through that day.

When the Israelites traveled through the wilderness,

God gave them manna for each day, and enough for the day.

 

God gives us strength to make it through today, no matter what the circumstances. I am as guilty as at complaining. The devil works so hard to steal our joy from us. And sometimes, when we are beat down and in the pit, it is easier to take his crap than fight back. But, we must constantly fight the battle for Christ and remember, He gives us the strength to make it through.

 

So, no matter how tired I am, how many times I just have to close my eyes at my desk or in class... God will get me through and I am stronger because of it.

 

James 1:2-4

 

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."



My new family

Yesterday morning I joined Ridgecrest Baptist Church by way of Watch Care. Watch Care is a program for college students. It gives dual membership between Ridgecrest and your home church, so that you can have the benefits of church membership while away at college. Upon graduation you can choose to continue your membership, or return home.

I love my Ridgecrest family. If it weren't for them... wow... this semester would have been even more of a disaster. From the first time I visited Ridgecrest I knew it was EXACTLY what God wanted for me. That first Sunday school message was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. I can feel myself growing at Ridgecrest and I am so thankful for the college ministry there.

Beckey, the college leader, let me know that they like to kidnap college students and keep them forever. And right now, part of me wouldn't mind that. :) In two years, we shall see where I am... you never know, I may make Tuscaloosa my permanent home. I am so happy, and so blessed.

On a sad note, prayers are needed today... I have studied since last Monday for a midterm that I have today... yes, that is 7 days of studying, at least 3 hours a day... So needless to say, I should be plenty prepared. But I just don't have a peace about this test. But God is in control.

Making old things new

This is an old song... I used to listen to Relient K, well... way to much. And this came on my Pandora yesterday... and it is amazing how God can use old things to have brand new meanings in different seasons of life. The emphasis is bolded, and those are the words that continue to ring in my heart today as I go throughout my day.

May each of you have a wonderful day.

Relient K - Let it all out
Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed
cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you

and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

Tangible Love

Below you will find an exerpt from my day's devotional. Girlfriends in God is something I started receiving after hearing about it from my friend Lisa... it has been more than a blessing, and I have passed it on to many other friends.

October 5, 2010



Iron Sharpens Iron  - Sharon Jaynes



Today's Truth


"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17 TNIV).


Friend To Friend


In my silverware drawer at home, I have about 15 knives of various shapes and sizes. However, I only use about four of them and the others simply are taking up space. The problem is, the other knives are dull and I've never taken the time to sharpen them. I could just toss them in the trash, but that seems like such a waste.


The same can be true in our own lives. The Bible says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17 TNIV). When we don't have friends that challenge us and encourage us to grow, we grow dull. Ultimately, we become "not the sharpest knife in the drawer" and other ones are chosen for tasks that we would love to do. Is there someone that God is calling you to sharpen? Is there someone who God is nudging you to invite to be a sharpening agent?


Jesus gave us a word of caution when it comes to "sharpening" our friends. Do it in love. Alice Miller has a good rule of thumb for correction: "If it is very painful for you to criticize your friends, you are safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that is the time to hold your tongue."

As women, we love to soak in warm bubble baths, lather in fragrant soaps, and soften with aromatic oils. But all too often, when it comes to removing dirt from a friend, we pull out the hard-bristled scrub brush of harsh words and scrub, scrub, scrub. The end result is often not the removal of dirt, but a wounded, emotionally scraped and bruised soul. Powerful words are not caustic words. They are gentle, tender words wrapped in an attitude of love. Paul wrote to the Colossians, "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" (Colossians 3:12).

Wow. What a powerful message. At times I have felt attacked by fellow Christians in my feelings and I am thankful to say that I now have an army of girlfriends who encourage me and sharpen me with love.

I am as guilty as anyone, and I know that. But one thing I constantly ask of God is to give me something I can touch, see or feel. But God has begun to open my eyes through my conversations with my girlfriends, today in particular, Mary Allison. Each of us experience life differently and handle situations differently. However, as much as I want someone here in Tuscaloosa to talk to face to face, where I can see there expression, I have learned that this would take away the purpose of faith. Why would I have to put my faith and trust in God if I always had a worldy conterpart to look to???

I am thankful for my wonderful friends, and I am thankful that last night God gave me the chance to be still... and bask in His glory and grace. Last night I chose not to do any homework, and actually have dinner with my roomies and just have a calm night. **This will bite me later, but I am thankful for one nice of peace since the past two months have flown by.**

I am thankful for my friends, and how they encourage me to trust Him. And I am thankful that God will always be there for me, even though I can't see or touch Him, literally. But yet, as we live in God's creation, and see His mighty works we are in essence, seeing, and touching Him. Praises be to our wonderful God.

Rammer Jammer

Well... the roommate issue has not been resolved. She wouldn't meet with me and hasn't spoken to me again... so we shall see.

I chose to stay in Tuscaloosa this weekend even though I didn't have a ticket to the football game. Thursday Anne Kimball and I went out to the movies and watched 'You Again'. I think that the main girl looks like my friend Lisa and the high school friend of the mother in law looks like Mary-Anne's dad. I am bad with actors... so yeah... but anyway.. I continually thought of you guys during the movie.

Friday night my college group at Ridgecrest had a girls night were we just hung out, had dinner and had fun. We tie dyed shirts and mine turned out AMAZING!

Isn't it cute?! Of course I couldn't have done it without the help of some wonderful girls from the college group! I am so proud of my shirt!

Saturday I was able to have lunch with my friend Leo, and then tailgated on the quad with the Ridgecrest college group. I went home to watch the game and had a very productive night. During the AMAZING Alabama game I washed clothes, started homework, clipped coupons, cleaned up around my room and organized a few things. :) I love being productive.

After the game I enjoyed hanging out with my wonderful roommate Gabby for a little while while eating a wonderful cookie from my other roommate Emily!

This thing tasted as good as it looks! :)

Today, Sunday, was filled with homework and church. I also managed to sneak in a two hour nap. Weekends are my time to sleep considering I get only a few hours to sleep during the school/work week. The messages at church were astounding words from God and the worship was amazing. I am so blessed to have found a church that is richly on fire for Christ and a college ministry that is so loving and caring that they make me feel at home.

Lots of ideas are bouncing around in my head lately... And we will see how God leads and things play out. To all my blogger friends, the members of the AIM project lost their jobs this past week as our President took away all money for abstinence education and put it towards abortion and planned parenthood. Please be in prayer as these people, including Sean, try to figure out what the next step in their lives will be. And be in prayer for our nation's youth, as well as our president. If you didn't vote, you should be ASHAMED. God's people need to WAKE UP and look at what we have done to our country. Stand up for what you believe in. Take the USA back for Christ. If you aren't planning to vote this November I suggest you get it in gear, register to vote and get your head in the game. These decisions affect us all... whether you like it or not.

Now. After my rant. I hope you all have a safe and wonderful week. Take time this week to notice how blessed you are. Stop complaining, because when you do, you are letting the Devil win. Think of how fortunate you are. I know without a shadow of doubt that I am truly blessed beyond imagination. And you are too, Praise be to God!